haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
