I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
