I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
