we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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