nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
