He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
