Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
A bitchslap is in order.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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