she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
