paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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