She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
