Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
