for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
