are you still at the devil's house?
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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