the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
its liver damage thursday
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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