Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Randomize
