her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
