My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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