Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Send help, water and tortillas.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
