I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
