I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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