I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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