I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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