quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
How external is "for external use only"?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
