The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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