It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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