I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
