Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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