Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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