I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
