im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
