I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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