What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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