I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
