Can i not drive my cunt home
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
