eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
