I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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