I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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