She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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