fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
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omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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