got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
P.S. I can't hear my feet
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
