i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
