I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
