Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
