but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
