There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
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It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
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You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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