Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
