You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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