My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
