its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
