You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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