whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
