I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
