Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
