dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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