Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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