Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
