We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
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I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
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The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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