i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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