It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
