see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
