Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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