Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You are a genius and a whore.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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