You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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