im drinking this country out of the recession.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
one might say we're banned from that church
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
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