i think my mom watched the whole time
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
