id be glad to
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
