Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
