If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
