i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
