i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
