....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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