He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
