i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
