If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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